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07 11 08 The Writing of Ali Browning

Ali Browning is a new Member and she is in our eyes a first-class writer, as you shall see below!  Her subject is Severus Snape of J. K. Rowling's  "Harry Potter" stories and we think that even if you are unfamiliar with Rowling's work, you'll find these five pieces of "fanart" to be utterly delightful.

Sara Jane

The Pureblood Princess

The staircase of the damp, poky terraced house creaked as the exhausted mother trudged up them, following her son's skinny, black cat up to the little bedroom where her son spent most of his time shut away during the school holidays. The cat was whining sorrowfully and stared at the poor woman with her unusual emerald green eyes. She seemed to implore the woman to follow her up to the bedroom. Instantly the woman, whose name was Eileen, knew that her son must need her, even if he never called for her or beseached her for help she knew that deep down he was in need and a mother has those instincts when it comes to her own flesh and blood.

She found her son lying unconcious on the floor of his tiny room , sprawled on the threadbare carpet dressed only in patched faded jeans, his long, black hair was damp and spread untidily about his bare white shoulders. Eileen knelt beside the boy and touched his poor, thin back, it was covered in old bruises and scars from a recent beating from his father.

In the boy's left hand was an empty bottle of vodka and the other hand was clenched in a tight fist. The cat paced up and down the room crying as Eileen gently lifted her son into her arms and held him close to her as if he was a baby, she removed the bottle from his left hand but could not uncurl his clenched right hand.

"Oh why, Severus?," she said sobbing, "you will go the way of your wretched father, drink will not solve your woes, child."

Severus remained floppy and limp in her arms, he most certainly would not be letting anyone hold him if he was sober, apart from maybe the girl who had driven to drowning his anguish in a bottle of his father's vodka. His breath reeked of the drink and his hollow cheeks were almost grey in colour.

"Wake up, Severus," cried Eileen, her tears falling onto the boys face.

He made a snorting noise and breathed in shallow breaths, at least he was alive.

"Well, you are going to be one very sick boy in the morning," Eileen whispered to him as she rocked him in her arms. "Now let me see if I can't get you onto the bed, oh your poor head is going to be so sore tomorrow I best mix up a potion now in time for the morning."

Severus was small, thin boy for a sixteen year old so Eileen, although small and thin herself, managed to half carry, half drag the boy to his bed. She lay him onto his side and made his head comfortable on the pillow, pushing the damp, black hair away from his feverish head, it was a hot and sticky summer night so she carefully removed his clothing and covered him over with a sheet.

It seemed that Severus had given up crying and had taken respite in the drink. Eileen hurt to think how much her son was suffering inside.

"Oh baby boy," she sighed as she kissed his cheek, "Nightshade will watch over you whilst I go and mix the hangover potion, I'm an expert at that now."

Nightshade the cat sat on the pillow beside the boy's head and pummelled her paws in his hair . Eileen blew out the candle and left her son to sleep whilst she returned to the tiny galley kitchen so typical of back-to-back houses, there she mixed up a potion from her secret box of herbs, oils and tinctures, secret because her husband would not tolerate anything remotely connected with her real identity. For Eileen was a Witch and her son a Wizard, something that angered and infuriated her husband.

She ground the herbs with her pestle and mortar as she cast her mind back to her own youth, when she was just sixteen years old. She had been in Slytherin house at Hogworts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry but no-one really liked her, she had spent lonely days as the plain little misfit who couldn't mix very well or make friends, she was shy and awkward and spent most of her spare time alone in a corner with her books, she was skittish and nervous of the other children and their merry ways.

Her long black hair fell to her waist in two tight braids and she wore a long fringe which covered her thick, black eyebrows, her face was narrow and pointed with a thin but wide mouth, crooked teeth and a prominent nose, her skin was sallow and with a few spots on her chin that had troubled her during her teenage years. Unlike most of the other girls she had no shape to her figure and was as thin as a pole, her limbs fine and boney, thankfully she could keep warm in her long school robes, dark green and black.

It was however Eileen's large dark eyes that gave her strange little face its look of mystery, deep black eyes fringed with long, curling black lashes, they were sorrowful eyes and frequently filled with unspilt tears of loneliness, the pain of being bullied and ridiculed and for her sick mother.

Eileen walked like a shy little mouse, she was a twitchy little thing with her head bent low and her shoulders stooped, she jumped nervously at any sudden noise and clasped her books tightly to her chest like a protective shield from the rest of the world. Boys passed her as she made her way to lessons along the cloisters.

"Hey Eileen bean pole!" one of them jeered.

"Eileen Prince, Princess bride of Satan," the other boy sneered.

"Princess Eileen the ugly," the first boy, a handsome, tall boy with nut brown curls and blue eyes bowed low in front of her in a mock gesture, "How do you do your majesty, Princess of the abyss."

"Please let me pass," she whispered, her lip quivering and her eyes filling with ready tears, "I have to get to classes."

"Did you hear a mouse squeak, Frobisher?," the brown curly-haired boy addressed his friend, a foppish and pretty boy with fair hair and grey eyes.

"I think maybe yes, yes, I did Walsingham, " he looked at his friend, his large grey eyes wide and a sneering grin creeping across his face, "and you know what we have to do with mice."

He suddenly pointed his wand at the frightened girl whose reactions were thankfully quick, dropping her books she had her own wand at the ready.

"2Expeliramus!" she shouted, scattering the boys so that they both fell backwards.

Leaving her books she ran as fast as she could to hide in a corner (an advantage of being so slim) to wait for a safe moment to recover her belongings and get to her lesson, late, where she would probably end up with a detention. Poor Eileen, she was often in trouble but it was rarely her fault.

Sometimes she would find a quiet corner away from other students and cry until her eyes hurt her and she felt sick. She had one real friend, a girl who had died the year before Eileen started school, Eileen would go to one of girls' bathrooms, no one ever seemed to go there so it was a good place to go for some peace and quiet.

She stood by the wash baisins in the centre of the bathroom, her long, thin fingers caressing the form of a snake engraved upon one of the taps. Eileen loved Snakes and had a pet snake called Severus because she was interested in Ancient Rome and the emperors of Rome, especially Septimus Severus Lucius, she loved those names, especially Severus, it was a good dark name, it meant severe and stern. She usually held Severus entwined around her arm, he wasn't poisonous as poisonous animals were not allowed to be kept as pets in the school. He was a lovely green snake with golden eyes. However Eileen did not take Severus with her to visit her friend in the bathroom because the girl had a phobia of reptiles.

Suddenly there was a splashing sound from one of the cubicles and a loud wail, Eileen's friend was there.

"Hello Myrtle," she said smiling.

"Hello Eileen, how's your day been?"

"Bad, as usual, more bullying, teachers getting on to me over my late homework because one of those nasty Malfoy girls tipped ink all over it deliberately and the ink was jinxed so I couldn't use the usual spell to clear it up."

"I know just you mean," sighed Myrtle "I had the same troubles when I was alive. You and I have so much in common, I never liked Slytherins much but you're a kind Slytherin and I think there are bad and good people in all the houses." Myrtle adjusted her glasses.

Myrtle was the school's youngest ghost who had met her end whilst hiding from bullies in that very bathroom, which was why no-one used it as her death, at the hands of a huge basilisk, was still fresh in peoples' minds. Someone had let the monster loose in the school and just one look into its big yellow eyes had killed the poor girl instantly. Gentle giant Rubius Hagrid of all students in the school has caused it, he loved animals and magical beasts and was sometimes so absent minded he would forget just how dangerous and wild a magical beast can be, he never meant to cause harm and now he was expelled from the school. From that day onwards dangerous pets were forbidden in school.

"You havn't got that snake with you, I hope," shuddered the ghost girl.

"My dearest Myrtle, would I ever bring Sevy with me to meet you. He's fine, hiding where no-one will find him, I conjured him into a wooden carving on one of the pannels, he will be quite safe there from tormenting bullies."

"I think I'd just stick to a nice, soft cat if I were you," said Myrtle, perching on the window sill above the wash baisins.

"Oh I like cats, but my father got Severus for me from a pet shop in Diagon Alley just before I started here. If I ever am lucky enough to have a child of my own I will call him Severus, maybe Severin of the Welsh version Sefran, should I have a girl she will be called Severina."

"You're strange," giggled Myrtle, "but I like you and you don't come in here and throw things at me or make fun of me, you talk to me and actually like me."

The spirit girl and the still-living girl met every day and it was a good secret for Eileen having a friendship with a ghost girl.

There was one particular thing Eileen shone at, Gobstones, this little Wizard game with marbles earned her prizes and awards, some admiration and good comments from classmates, but also plenty of jibes and jeers.

"Princess Gob stones" and "Eileen big gob."

However, when she was playing she ignored them. She was good at something and she was Captain of the Hogworts Gobstones team. Okay, so it wasn't Quidditch but that didn't bother her.

School days passed and Eileen was the only girl in her whole year who had never been asked on a date with a boy, she watched as other girls flowered into beautiful young women as they found boy friends and enjoyed dressing up to impress them, making the most of their newly grown shape, little breasts and curves at the hips, Eileen remained thin and straight. She was glad of their long robes to cover them and at least that way everyone looked equal but at night time when the girls undressed she was still the only girl not needing a bra, whose belly and chest were as flat as a boy's. The girls made fun of her and flaunted themselves in front of her, parading up and down the dormitory in their pretty lace underwear.

One summer's day, the girls were huddled together collecting addresses , giving out little name cards and writing autographs in little note books, it was nearing the end of school for ever and they were hugging and crying, just one day to go before they all went to their homes on the Hogworts Express train and then it was time to find work or get married.

Eileen walked close to them, she didn't bother with an autograph book, to her it was sentimental rubbish and no-one liked her anyway. The girls looked from their huddle, their little books and cosmetic purses, they suddenly hushed as Eileen tried to join the group for the last time of her school days. The girls looked briefly at her and carried on giggling, crying or chattering about boys and engagement rings. A Malfoy girl looked up at her.

" Oh, go away and play with your gobstones."

Tearfully she walked away and took solace in her friend Myrtle, they both indulged in a good cry together.

"I'll never have a boy friend," sniffed Eileen, "some of the girls are engaged to be married, you know." She pulled a lace handkerchief out of her pocket and dapped her nose on it.

She was wearing her prettiest summer forck, a white lawn frock sprigged with violet flowers, it hung on her twiggy little frame, even the belt hung loose at her narrow waist, her long, thin legs looked like little bird's legs in little white lace socks and black patent shoes, a pretty fashionable outfit but she was wishing she had not put it on and had just worn her school robes instead. Her black hair hung loose around her shoulders pulled off her narrow white face with black Alice band . Sobbing she pulled it out of hair and threw it.

"I'm a horrible, ugly girl, no-one will ever love me, none of the boys, even the boys who like their books and lessons like me, they just tease me. I'm eighteen and I've never even had a kiss. All I want is to get married and have babies but no-one will ever marry me. Gobstone's captain, big deal."

Myrtle leaned her ghostly form against her flesh and blood friend's frail shoulder, her big eyes stared up through her round spectacles.

"Well, look at me Eileen, spectacles, skinny, miserable moaning Myrtle, it was the same for me too. They teased me but now I tease them back, especially the prefects in the bathroom. I can enter their bath water and embarrass them when they are totally naked, I can see all they've got and if I feel like it I flirt with them and make such fun of them. That Walsingham boy that is so nasty to you, he's very small."

Eileen sniffed and looked at Myrtle, wiping her nose again.

"Walsingham?" she looked confused " but he's tall and muscular and very handsome too, I think he would look quite good when he's, well, you know, in the bath."

"Small Eileen, small down there". The ghost giggled loudly "I can tell you all sorts of embarrasing things about the boys, I see them fart, picking their noses and other things!"

Soon the two girls were laughing until tears of laughter poured down their faces. When they had composed themselves Myrtle spoke quietly to Eileen.

"I think that from you will come a great Wizard, I was good at divination , so good that I even know that I did not have long to live, but I have a hunch about you, I am sure you will be a mother , maybe to a son, your little Sevrin or whatever it was you wanted to call him, he'll be magical I know that."

"Oh my dear Myrtle I can't see me ever getting married, never mind having a child, but I suppose I can dream."

Finally the two girls parted but Myrtle promised to stay in contact with her friend.

"Telepathy dear," she said, "us magical folk are not like the Muggles who need help to talk to the dead, a ghost and a Witch should have no problem staying in touch, those silly girls and their autograph books, in a few years time they'll be pushing prams and will have forgotten all about each other."

So it was that Eileen laft school and returned to her home with her father and sick mother. She was a good little nurse to her mother and quite apt at potion making, she cooked the family meals and kept the large stone house tidy.

It was an old house, high on the moors above the Mill town on the Lancahsire and Yorkshire border. Eileen could look down into the valley from those bleak moors that she loved, and see the woollen mills and their tall chimneys, row upon row of cramped terraced houses, she was thankful for the fresh wind on the top of the hills and pitied the poor mill workers, breathing in their polluted air, trudging home from long shifts at the mills weaving cloth to clothe others when they could hardly afford to clothe their own families.

Their houses backed on to other terraced houses, all along the river, fed by the streams from the hills, the river that powered those mills and had caused them to be bulit in the first place, a dirty network of canals threaded their way in between the pitiful mill workers' houses, canals to carry the goods to and from the mills. It was a landscape that she loved none the less with its aquaducts and viaducts dotted around between the hills. She walked on the moors looking and at everything around her, dreaming of her own little family in their own little stone cottage.

Eileen had no friends but her family, they were an odd and eccentric pure blood magical family,they were very aloof and shunned the company of others. Her father was a solitary man who hid away with his books in a dark room, lit only by a candle, in that centuries' old stone house he studied books on history of magic and ancient rituals and family heritage. Eileen had inherited his wiry body and intense black eyes, his once coal black hair fell to his waist but was now peppered with grey.

Mr Gabriel Prince, an author of magical history books, had married a girl half his age, he had inherited the large stone house in the hills where he had grown up and his father before him and so forth since the fifteenth century. The girl he married had delicate health and was small and mouse like, she was the daughter of a Hebrew mystic and Apothecarist and his wife. The girl, Miriam, had read many books by Mr. Gabriel Prince during her school days and become enthralled by them, she had contacted Mr. Prince and become his companion and finally his wife.

They all loved their books and learning and lived a frugal, almost Victorian life style high on those isolated moors. Sometimes Eileen lay down on the fresh and sweet smelling grass and emptied her mind, feeling the cool breeze in her long, black hair and concentrating so that she could communicate with Myrtle. Sometimes she sat by a solitary tree, its branches bent in one direction, leaning over where the wind had blown the branches over many years. Under that tree her mother made her own final bed for her mortal remains, for Eileen's mother had spent many an hour under that tree during her life on earth.

Mr. Prince grew old and frail and Eileen spent her days caring for him and the house. She liked to sit at his feet and read to him as his eyesight was failing. Best of all they liked to sit by the wide open stone fireplace, Mr Prince sometimes stroked her long black hair and occasionally cried at how he would miss her when his time came, Eileen in turn churned over in her mind what would become of her when he died, the money would run out and she would not manage that big house on her own forever, it was already falling apart in places and she had no hope of finding a husband with her pitiful shyness and lack of good looks. She would have to seek employment somewhere.

She looked over at her father, he had fallen asleep in the chair , Severus the snake slithered over to her and she talked to him.

"Severus. I may as well just take a potion of Belladonna and Acconite when father dies and have done, but then I have you, my dear pet for all these years, I could never leave you"

Severus entwined himself around her thin shoulders and she stroked his green head.

"Honestly, Myrtle and her silly nonsense about me having a baby. Whose ever going to marry me and i certainly don't hold with giving a man a love potion to ensnare him, I want someone who will really love with, with no potion involved."

Severus hissed as she closed her eyes and dreamed of a baby boy with coal black hair and snow white skin lying peacefully in a cot, she began to feel like Snow White's mother from the Muggle fairy tale, wishing for this little baby in such a way.

It was not long after her dream and wishing for a baby boy of her own that she met Tobias Snape.

She had gone into the town to shop at the market and walked striaght into a tall man, a handsome imposing figure of a man with sharp, angular features and a hooked nose, his hair was black under his woollen cap and he was wearing a long, black woollen over coat.

"Careful lass," he snapped at her in a strong local accent, "look where you're going."

Eileen only came up to chest in height, she stared up at the man like a terrified rabbit and her lip quivered, she dropped her basket of shopping.

"I'm sorry sir," she stammered stooping to pick up her shopping in the crowded market hall, tears clouded her eyes as shoppers pushed past, no-one even stopping to help her.

"Let me help you."

The man bent down and helped her fill her basket, his chocolate brown eyes were beautiful and she could not decide whether he was severe and frightening to look at or extremely handsome, even his hooked nose suited his dramatic features. He touched her small white hand with his long, bony fingers.

"Don't be frightened of me, I don't bite." he said, "I'm Mr. Snape, Tobias Snape."

Tobias Snape bought her a coffee in one of the little market cafes, they talked and sipped coffee and smoked cigarettes. Something connected them. Tobias was a shy man so it seemed, he worked hard in one of the woollen mills and came from a mill working family.

"There's nout to me lass, I'm as common as muck and a nobody, I'm glad of your company. I don't have many friends, just a couple of lads I go to the pub with but that's it, us Snapes are not popular folks."

"Same here" Eileen smiled as she puffed nervously at her cigarette.

"So where are you from?" he asked "Can't say I've seen you around before."

"Oh, I live on the tops."

"Farming family? Or one of them posh 'ouses?"

Eileen felt panicky, she dared not tell him the truth, that she was a Witch, or about her unusual background, so she lied and told him that she was the daughter of an elderly farm worker and now cared for him full time.

A friendship built up between them and Eileen would meet Tobias from work at the mill, they would walk on the hills that surrounded the grimy mill town like a giant green blanket or they would sup tea in a cafe or sit in the big cemetary looking down on the dirty bustling town below.

Tobias was such a quiet, old fashioned man with a quick temper but he really liked her and she enjoyed his company.

Time passed and Mr. Prince became ill and had to be admitted to St Mungoes hospital where most Magical people were admitted when they were ill. Leading a double life of Muggle and Witch was becoming difficult and she was running out of excuses for not inviting him to her strange home full of books and magical things.She dared not tell her father that she was dating a Muggle, he would have been livid, marrying out with a Muggle was about the worst sin any Witch or Wizard could commit in his narrow minded oppinion.

"Leave the Muggles to their own kind and always marry within a Magical family or remain single," he had told her, "they do it too, Religious folks marry within their faith, or they should do, white folks should marry white, coloured should marry coloured, musn't pollute.."

"Father enough please, you frighten me talking like that"

"Well mark my words my girl, no good would come from marrying out and mixing the blood, different beliefs and culture, it would never work, even to marry a Mudblood Witch or Wizard."

"Spoken like a true Slytherin father," she said back, "fear not, can you see me getting married?"

Days were spent between St Mungoes and visiting Tobias. He came from a large family, who had all lived crammed into a tiny back to back terraced house, Tobias was the only son left at home now. Eileen had not been inside one of these houses.

She entered straight into the living area, there was a small kitchen and a stair case behind a door just like a cupboard, the house was four stories high, with a cellar and an attic, there was no bathroom but shared outhouses, back-to-back terraced houses in the 1950s did not have bathrooms.

Eileen and Tobias sat on the steps of the house, there was no yard, just straight out onto a cobbled street filled with dirty, noisy children running around and shouting. A small skinny, boy dressed in a patched checked shirt and short pants, he kicked a ball accidently towards Tobias and Eileen.

"Sorry mister, chuck it over," said the child.

"Get in yer sen lad" Tobias had a strong dialect and he did not like children, in fact he could not stand them.

"Snivelling little brats," he mumbled, scowling, his lip curled and eye brows knitted in an angry frown, Eileen thought he looked quite frightening.

"You don't like children? Don't you ever want any of your own one day?"

"Not really," he shrugged, "I'd make a useless father anyway, I know what it's like to be unwanted. I was the last of ten kids, fetched up by my sisters I was, Mum and Dad are very religious and I was a supposed gift from God, as all kids are according to them, but they made no secret of that I was a burden to them. Straight from me Mam's breast to me big sister's arms I was and working at mill as soon as I were thirteen, it's all I've ever known, this hellhole of a town and that mill."

Eileen put her hand on his hand and kissed his cheek.

"I'm sorry Tobias, I'd look after you, cook for you and clean, I love you so much."

She cuddled up against his chest and he held her as if she was a little girl, he smiled down at her with his lovely dark eyes. It was on that evening that he proposed to her and she accepted.

On her return to her isolated home on the hills she discovered that her pet snake, Severus, lying dead by the fire place. Eileen had lit a candle on coming home, she had been singing, smiling and content and thinking of weddings and a baby boy with black hair, only to shudder as she saw Severus lying in a pile of cinders. This was surely a bad omen.

The house felt as if it was no longer a part of her, she felt as if its walls were closing in on her and for the first time it was hostile and frightening, as if the very soul of the house had disappeared. Eileen gathered up the remains of her snake and wept as if her heart would break.

"Oh Severus, mother, father!" she cried "whta's going to happen?"

Eileen slept that night holding her dead snake close to her, she felt horribly alone and frightened. The following day she buried Severus beside her mother and only a week later her father joined them.

Eileen had packed up all the family books and special things and she sat in the kitchen on a tea chest, wondering whatever she was going to do now. She could not rush Tobias with the marriage plans, it simply was not polite to do that. Amongst the Witches and Wizards who had gathered together for Mr Prince's burial it was her father's cousin and his wife who decided to take her in to his home, he would deal with settling the paper work and selling the family home and Eileen would be able to help look after his children.

It was not long before Eileen felt that she was a burden and had over stayed her welcome, her cousins were none to friendly. Finally the marriage to Tobias went ahead, there were no Magical people at the wedding and it was a small gathering with no fuss, just like Tobias wanted it. Eileen had been disspointed, having wanted to wear a long white gown and have an ivory tower wedding cake, but she was content enough to put on her best suit and to have her hair piled high on her head in the fashionable Muggle Bee hive style.

They moved into a small back to back house down a street called "Spinner's End".

"Bloody 'ell lass, you've enough books there," remarked Tobias on seeing all her books as she piled them into the attic.

"I never care much for books me sen, I can 'ardly read, what are they about?"

"Oh mostly history ," she said lifting out books on Magical history and potion making, "I won a scholarship to a boarding school," she lied, "that's how I'm so learned."

"Oh" said Tobias " I never knew you were a clever lass."

"I didn't want to say," she added shyly, "I thought you might think I was, well, a bit weird, a bit stuck up, people made fun of me liking books so much."

With her books and family things safely stored away in the attic Eileen got on with the routine of Muggle married life, she liked caring for the little house and cooking for Tobias, massaging his aching back after work with her home made massage potions, spoiling him and mothering him. Their happy days did not last long though.

A few months after the marriage she saw Tobias for what he could be, a very angry and intolerant man who liked to control her every movement. One day he discovered her box of magical things, a chalice, alter cloth with the pentegram embroidered on it and her cauldron and wand.

"What in the name of all that's holy is this devil worship stuff?," he yelled and threw the things down the stair case at his cowering wife. "Evil stuff this, I'll not be 'aving it in my 'ouse. No wonder you were so secretive about your family and got all shy over them books upstairs, you were all a bunch of devil worshippers."

"No Tobias, not Satanists, not devil worshippers, I am a Witch."

There began an almighty row as Eileen tried to justify herself and explain to a very hostile man about Magic and Witchcraft, like many Muggles he linked Witchcraft and Magic with evil and the devil. Hatred of Witchcraft was deeply engrained in Muggle culture and there was no way Tobias would tolerate it. He seized the terrfied Eileen by her shoulders and shook her, his chocolate brown eyes were glittering with anger and she was afraid of this man, really afraid for the first time since she had known him. He pushed her and held her up against a wall.

"You're married to me lass and I'll hear not a word of this Magic nonsense, not one word, do you understand me?"

She nodded gulping back her sobs.

"I didn't hear you! Do you understand me?"

"Yes ." she whispered in a croaky voice " but please let me keep the books, they were my dad's."

"You can keep yer damned book, Witch," he thundered " but them devil things are to go!"

From that day on he called her Witch during all their arguements, for Muggles it was an insult to call a woman a Witch and the way he said it was with spite and contempt and utter hatred.

"They aught to do what they did in the old days and have your kind burned"

"No Tobias," she corrected him in a bold moment of courage, "they had witches hanged in England , heretics were burned."

That had earned her a good hiding and she soon learned to keep quiet and do whatever she could to keep him calm. She took the box of Magical belongings up to the hill where her parnets' graves were and cried, she buried the things deep down next to where they lay,one day if her wish of having a Magical child was granted she would give him those things.

Eileen thought of Myrtle's words about her having a child who would be a great Wizard but she had not concieved yet, Tobias hated children but being a Catholic man he had to accept that if God gave them children he would have to accept it, as long he did not have to be involved in their raising and she kept them quiet and under control.

Some years passed and, years of isolation and loneliness, Tobias was drinking heavily to cope with the monotony of Muggle life as a poor mill worker. When sober and calm he could be a charming and gentle man, he bought her flowers and told her that he loved her but then he would turn into a raging monster when fuelled with drink.

During those years Eileen prayed for a baby, she made secret spells up on the moors by her parents' graves. She liked to go to the church that Tobias and his family had attended through the generations. She had no problem with church and prayers, there was inconsistency between Old good Magic and Christianity, early Christians had often combined the two beliefs and many of the Magicians and Alchemists of the past had also been Christians.

The very essence of Witchcraft was "harm none", there were good paths and bad paths to follow in life, regardless of religious beliefs. It satisfied Tobias when Eileen converted to the church and she did love going to Mass, it was the only time apart from getting the shopping that he let her go out of the house. She liked the ritual and ceremony of the Mass, the hymns and prayers and incense. Tobias rarely attended church, he had little time for anything spiritual.

One day he met her from church after Mass and she was smiling,she linked her arm with his and looked up at him.

"Tobias, I have some wonderful news. we are going to be parents."

Her pale face was alive with delight, her large dark eyes were wide and sparkling. She looked almost pretty that day.

"I thought you were barren," he said, his face as grey as the leaden sky above them, "I mean we've been married some years now and you've never caught on. How could a skinned rabbit like you carry a child inside you?"

"I prayed, Tobias, I prayed and God listened to me, just he did to all those barren ladies in the bible like Hannah, Rebecca, Rachel and Sara and the mother of Our Lady herself." In her mind she thought of how Rebecca in the bible had taken mandrake root for her sterility, she too had taken a little of that, Mandrake could be very powerful.

"Well, it had best be a boy, that's all I can say and I hope to God he won't turn out to be a- well, you know what, a freak."

"Whatever happens happens," she said patting her still flat belly.

The pregnancy was difficult for Eileen for she was not a strong woman and when drunk Tobias would order her to get rid of the child.

"You would let me risk my life going to one of those horrible little back street places?," she responded shocked and sorrowful, "this little baby is our little baby, I'll not have him killed or die bleeding in a corner because someone's rammed a knitting needle up me to end his life."

"Hasn't it always been a Witch's job to sort out womens' little problems?," he asked.

"Our little problem Tobias, ours."

"Well don't espect me to get involved and all excited over a snivelling wretch of a bairn."

"Fair enough then," she said firmly and boldly, "and if he is Magical and gets his letter for Hogwort's school then you can do nothing about it because you don't want to be involved."

................................................................

Eileen awoke from where she had fallen asleep after mixing the potion for her teenage son's hangover. She knew how to make that potion by heart now and Tobias had always asked for it the morning after a heavy drinking session. She rubbed her tired eyes and noticed the new day dawning bright and sunny again on "Spinner's end".

She sat beside her sleeping son and when he awoke she lifted his tired and aching head gently and let him sip at the potion. He pulled a face.

"Yuck, Mum, that is revolting," and he lay back on the pillow and went back to sleep after drinking it all up.

"Sleep it off now, son," she whispered and as she bent to kiss his cheek she noticed how his right hand had opened, in the palm of his hand lay a little silver pendant, the one his precious Lily had given years ago as a birthday present . A little silver doe.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The Seaside Trip

It was a sunny but breezy day towards the end of June. A small boy of no more than five years old was paddling in a rock pool on the beach, he was picking up shells, stones and sea creatures very much like any other child would do on the beach, he held a large, tin mug in which he put his specimens because his mother was too poor to be able to afford to buy her son a brightly coloured plastic bucket and spade like the other children had.

It did not upset the boy at all that as usual he was different to most of the other children. He was just calm and happy to experience the freedom of the wide sandy beach and the rock pools and the seemingly never ending sea. He enjoyed the feeling of the wind playing with his rather long, black hair.

A short distance away his mother sat on a tartan blanket reading a book and sipping tea from a thermos flask, she smiled to herself to see her child so content and liberated from the claustrophobic, damp back-to-back house of the mill town where they lived, the sea air would bring colour to those pale cheeks of his, for herself too for she was also thin and sallow; both mother and son coughed a lot.

The little boy had been frequently ill from chest infections and constant colds, he was pitifully thin and frail and his little white body did not have the rounded and bonny appearance of the tanned limbs of other children who ran and played in and out of the water with rosy cheeks and dimples.

The odd little child wore a white shirt too large for his tiny body, he wore little black pants that reached his knees, he had taken off his little red sandals to play in the water, they were new and he didn't want to spoil them, well new to him, they had already been worn by three of the children down the road from him, the mill workers families made the most of things and often passed clothes and shoes on to each other, they were poor people but thought nothing of visiting a neighbour to borrow a cup of sugar or some tea leaves.

The thin little child ran towards his mother to show her his collection of treasures. He sat down beside her and because he was shivering a little she put his little black cardigan on him and fastened it up.

"You keep that chest warm, Severus, don't go catching more colds ." She kissed the child on his head and pulled him close to her, for a toddler he was not very affectionate and wriggled out of her arms, not that he did not love her, he just was more like one of cats that does things on its own terms and like a cat he would choose when and if he wanted to be held or picked up, like a cat he was aloof and mysterious.

He was made even more mysterious by his large dark eyes, eyes as black as Obsidian stones, sad and sorrowful eyes, but today there was a sparkle in them that made those eyes quite beautiful.

"Look Mummy," he said "I have treasure." He tipped out the contents of his mug onto the blanket.

"See these shells are yellow, that one was almost red in the water but now its gone brown, see how water changes it," he licked the brown shell to make it red and smiled, then he pulled face because it tasted salty.

"Yucky taste Mummy."

The mother laughed and poured out a cup of orange squash for him to drink.

"Of course it will taste yucky sweetheart, its been in the sea water and the sea is salty."

The child drank the orange quickly and returned to showing his mother the pretty things.

"This one is all different colours like a rainbow but black and ugly on the outside."

"Oh yes, that's called a Muscle shell, you can eat the fish inside them but that one is empty, I think the Sea gulls have eaten up all the fish, Those long ones over there are called razor shells."

"And Mummy look. See these lovely stones and this is real treasure." he placed a smooth peice of turquoise glass into his mother's hand.

"Oh Sevy, that's from a broken bottle where the sea has worked its magic and smoothed it down, I see you have a dark green peice and a white piece, that's sea glass."

Severus smiled as they peered over his collection and talked about the shells and stones. The he looked up at her with a serious look on his face.

"Mummy, I can make magic you know."

"You can?" she sounded thrilled, her face lit up.

"Well, you know how the rock pools are still, so still and the sea has waves, I can make waves come and go in the rock pools, and I can make the little sea flowers open and close just by looking at them. Come, I want to show you, I'm not telling fibs."

He took his mother's long, bony hand in his own tiny one and dragged her with him to the rock pools.

"Hold on, Sevy," she giggled "I'm getting old now, I'm not as fit as I used to be."

They were an odd but happy pair, running hand in hand across the golden sand . The mother was small and thin with long, oily black hair bound tightly in a plait behind her that fell to her waist. She was wearing a pink rose petal printed dress that was very fashionable about a decade ago in the 1950s when she had made it, but it really suited her delicate and thin figure. She was at all pretty, in fact she was quite plain with a very prominent nose and a wide thin mouth, her eyes were as black as her son's eyes and she was sallow skinned with hollow cheeks . Although her figure was lithe and thin she looked a lot older than her age, mid forties, but life had not been kind to her and had taken its toll. She was usually a very sad looking lady but today she smiled, she felt joy in seeing her son so happy.

"Now look," and Severus made ripples and waves in the rock pool, "and see this, watch Mummy."

He gazed at the cluster of Sea Anenomies which were open and coiling and swirling their tentacles around in the dark, green water below, they began to open and close at such a speed. Normally a Sea Anenomy closes when its tentacles are touched by a sea creature brushing past it but some power from the child had caused them to open and close and such a rapid speed.

"Isn't it fun? Can you do this?"

"Well now, Severus, yes I can, now come back with me to the blanket and I will tell you a secret."

When they were seated back on the blanket the child crawled onto her lap and she was delighted to have her snuggled against her.

" Go on then, whisper in my ear," and the small boy looked up at his mother with eyes so wide, "you have to whisper or the Sea people and the ghosts will hear and find out."

"Well, Severus Snape, you are a Wizard."

"I am a Wizard? What, like in the stories and books that we look at? A real one? So can I magic us lots of money and make Daddy be happy? Will I grow up and look like Merlin and have a long, white beard and long white hair that goes down to the ground? Can I wear long robes? If I can they have to be black or maybe green, they are my best colours."

So many questions poured out of the excited child's mouth.

"Slow down, my son. You will have to go to school when you are eleven to learn how to do magic properly, the school I went to when I was a girl. It's called Hogworts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"Hogworts?" gasped the child "Oh."

"Yes, son, and you will learn to do all sorts of magic and become a very skilled Wizard. You may have guessed that you are special and different to other children and not just because we are poor and neither of us much to look at, but you think of all the little potions you have made from flowers and plants. I didn't call you my little Alchemist for nothing when you tried to melt down a tin can to try and make gold, although it really is very dangerous to play with matches, sweety."

"Can you make gold then? real gold?"

"Well, that's why you need to go to Hogworts to learn these things. Making gold is very difficult though, I can't do it."

"So is that why funny things happen when Daddy is cross with you and I sometimes look at him and his cup falls out of his hand. or when I made that picture fall off the wall on to his head? Maybe he knows and thats why he gets so cross with me, maybe that's why he smacks me so hard."

"Well, Severus you must not tell your father, this is our special secret, one day I will have to tell him but not yet, you know how he hates stories about magic, well, he thinks it is bad, but there is good and bad magic like with everything in this world. "

Severus looked very serious as he lifted his hand to his mother's face and played with the loose hair that had fallen from her plait, he stared into her dark eyes with his own equally dark ones.

"So why don't you make magic then if you are magical too? "

"Well your father hates it and I dare not. I have to try to be like a Muggle."

"A Muggle?"

"Non Magical people, people like your father. Many Muggles are frightened of anything different, well,even some Magical people are frightened of difference, people don't like what they don't understand. You know how other children tease you and they call me names too? It's only because they don't understand, because you are so clever and quiet and don't run around squealing like they do, because we are the Snapes, the grumpy, quiet family down the road."

They talked some more and ate their simple picnic lunch of meat paste sandwiches, they sipped tea from the flask and crunched on their apples.

"Well Severus, I've got a few pennies so you can have ice cream or even a toy, we'll go and look in the little shop."

The mother rolled the blanket and put it and the picnic things back into her basket, she held out her hand to her son and he took it, then they walked together from the beach along the little, sandy pathway up to the promenade, the little boy held his tin cup full of treasures carefully in his other hand.

In the small seaside cafe and shop little Severus admired the toys, the brightly coloured buckets and spades, the big striped beach balls and beautiful sailing boat painted blue with white sails. Oh, how he wished he could have that boat.

Then his eyes cast upon colourful rubber tyres that children put around their middles to hold them up so that they could float in the water. Severus didn't much like going into water, he feared being taken down and drowned by it, he hated even to get his head and face wet and screamed when water got into his eyes when his mother battled to wash his hair in the small tin bath by the fire , the small skinny child frantically fought her and his tiny body racked with convulsive sobs until his father thrashed him. Hair washing day almost always meant a good hiding, one day he would have to learn to tolerate his mother washing his hair but he was still little more than a baby.

Severus finally decided on ice cream, whipped white ice cream in a wafer, normally his mother could not afford to buy him ice cream when the ice cream man called round the streets on a hot summer's day and he had watched the other children enviously as they slurped their ice cream, no, it was more important for the child's father to have his ale.

Severus shared his ice cream with his mother and they sat watching the clouds become pink over the sea's horizon signaling another fine day tomorrow.

"I wish I could have that lovely boat mummy" he said as he licked his little fingers where the ice cream had dripped onto them "but we havn't got enough pennies".

"Well, my love, I'll make you a boat" and the boy's mother reached into her basket and took out her magazine full of love stories and pretty young women in the latest fashions, short skirts and knee high boots, make up that made their faces look like dollies and lovely, long straight hair. She tore out a page and folded it and soon there was a little boat.

"Come on then, let's go to the rock pools and sail it then" she said enthusiastically as they ran back down to the sea.

The tiny boy ran ahead so fast that his long, black cardigan and long black hair flew out at the back making him look like a little bat. Severus found a big rock pool and set the little paper boat, with the pictures of the pretty ladies on it, into the water and made it turn circles and come towards him as if it were a motor boat and all with his own magic.

Other children gathered to where the little boy played and his mother sat watching as she sat down on a rock.

"How do you do that?," asked a freckled boy with strawberry blonde hair.

"Maybe magic, maybe the wind," said Severus mysteriously.

"My dad says there's no such thing as magic," said a little girl of about 8 years old in a somewhat haughty voice.

"So does mine," said Severus not looking up at her, "but he talks lots of rubbish."

"So do you believe in fairies then?," she added.

"Course I do, I've seen them, loads of times, everyone has."

"Fibber."

"Am not!"

A little quarrel broke out amongst the children but they soon tired of it and left Severus alone to play with his boat and his little sea shell sailors that he had put into it.

Gradually the sun began to set and the little boy grew cold,tired and hungry and bored of his game.

"Well come on then love, let's go and get a bag of chips on the sea front."

"Okay Mummy, I'm tired, will you carry me?"

"Yes, but you're getting a big boy now" and she picked up the small boy and hoisted him onto her hip.

They passed little seaside shops that were closing up for the night, they smelled the fish and chip shop and cotton candy, fried onions for hot dogs and the salty sea air and slightly fishy smell of sea weed.

"Look Mummy!, " Severus cried with excitement as he pointed to a penny arcade.

Lots of bright lights beckoned them, and the sounds of the one armed bandits as people put in their pennies hoping to win more pennies, there was a big laughing Policeman with a jolly face who nodded and rocked from side to side and laughed loudly when someone put their penny into the slot machine to make him laugh. There was another strange model of a gypsy lady who told fortunes when a penny was put in and Marionettes danced to a jolly tune. Sweets and big, bright gob stoppers and bubble gum balls fell out of machines, but they all needed pennies to them work.

Or maybe, just maybe a little magic?

Severus stood against the glass of the penny sliding game, hundreds of pennies were pushed backwards and forwards, sometimes when someone added a penny it would fall and make some of the other pennies slide out at the bottom of the machine and that person would win them.

The child stared longingly at people playing, an old lady kissed her penny for good luck before she put it in but her luck did not work and no pennies came out, she put in another and still no pennies. Severus focused all his attention onto those moving pennies and mumbled something that no-one else could hear, his little face and hands were pressed against the glass, suddenly he drew back, open mouthed as a cascade of shiny pennies came tumbling out and into the tray below.

He jumped and squealed with delight and all the other people in the arcade stopped to watch as the little boy scooped up all the money and put it into his bulging pockets.

"Some one's got luck on his side then," said the old lady whose penny kissing had not worked. "Wait while you're a big lad then and you get on them there fruit machines."

Severus and his mother sat outside on a wall and counted all of those pennies, there were 200 hundred of them, £2 all together, a lot of money in 1965.

"Mummy dear, tonight we can have fish with our chips and fizzy pop. I am rich Severus Snape and I 'm going to buy it."

So they finished their day trip to the seaside with freshly cooked fish, mushy peas and hot chips drenched in vinegar and salt and a bottle of lemonade fizzy pop, they ate like kings and enjoyed every minute of it and there was still enough money left to buy his mother a little black ceramic cat and a stick of rock for his dad if he was in a good mood.

They settled in to their train seats that evening, tired but happy, well fed, sun kissed and refreshed. Severus slept in his mother's arms with his little black head resting against where her heart was beating, the soft beat of her heart soothed him to sleep whilst she stroked his baby, soft hair and sung to him. It had been a happy, carefree day which both mother and son wished could last forever.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Summer 1976

Severus Tobias Snape.

Summer " Muggle prison" journal

Halifax. Yorkshire. Summer 1976.

It is my first day in the hideous Muggle world, back at Spinner's end. Stifled and suffocated by these poky back-to-back houses, the dreadful heat and lack of rain and Muggles, Muggles and their sad, mundane little lives. They work in shit, under paid jobs, ( most of them) day in day out is the same, they go home to their families, eat, watch the mind numbing rubbish on their televisions, go to the pub and go to bed and do exactly the same the next day, then they get old and die. They are like rats going round and round on a wheel ( for some odd reason Muggle kids like to keep rodents in cages with wheels that the poor creature runs on, round and round!)

I suppose I pity them, born, sent to their schools and educated from toddler hood to work hard, obey the system and never question, follow the fashions and fit in and then you do well, they have kids and the cycle goes on. I thank whatever divine being out there that I am magical, even some magical people live like that but not me, I'll never be like the crowd.

I do not wonder that my father is such a miserable bastard, no wonder he hates me and Mum for having magical abilities as at least thats some escape. I suppose I am sorry for him.

This is going to be one horrible, long summer I can tell.

Day 2.

I got up late because I went to bed late. I like the dark and being up at night and sat outside on the steps of the house reading under the stars until the early hours. Dad had gone to work by the time I stumbled into the tiny kitchen, rubbing my eyes, my lank hair tumbling over my face, I'm glad he wasn't about as he usually only says something to me about getting up late and calls me a "miserable mardy git" or something. Can't think where I get that from father of mine? Probably from where I got the nose, from YOU!

Mum was sitting on the door step watching the neighbours' kids running up and down in the hot sunshine, she was fanning herself with a piece of junk mail and supping tea.

"Good afternoon, Severus" she said turning to smile at me " there's tea in the pot love"

I poured some out and sat beside her with my tin of cigarettes and tobacco, I rolled one and offered her one, she declined, trying to give up. Again.

"How's my special son then?" she asked pushing the long hair back from my face, I instantly shook it back down again, I hate having my hair touched!

I shrugged and lit my cigarette with a Muggle match, not being allowed to do magic outside of school I couldn't light it with my wand.

"Are you going to see that sweet Lily of yours?"

"Might do," I said miserably.

Mum looked really surprised as normally I'd have been off to meet Lily immediately, my apathy shocked her.

I finished my tea and smoke and returned to my room and dressed. I found my smartest Muggle clothes, black tee shirt, jeans and my rather shabby DM boots, I spat on them and rubbed them with a cloth from the corner of my room, which was a tip already. My hair needed a wash, it needed washing every day as its so fine and gets oily, I splashed on some citrus and Witch Hazel potion made by mum, its supposed to help oily hair. Supposed to anyway. I tied it back in a band away from my face as Lily loves it tied up, she used to say it showed my "lovely, slender neck" ( scrawny, long, chicken neck actually Lily!) and my sharp cheek bones. I hate is tied up, people can see my nose then, the beak thats goes with the chicken's neck I guess.

Why I bother I don't know after what happened at school before we broke up. The horrible row when the "Marauders" as they rather childishly and pathetically refer to themselves, had been bullying me and humiliating me. In my distress and torment I took things out on her. She stuck up for me and I called her that vile name.

I called my Lily a "Mudd blood".

In the magical world thats a kin to calling someone a "Paki" or a "nigger". Its loaded with prejudice. I did wrong and I must ask her forgiveness.

Perhaps away from her cool mates at school she might be more her normal self and we can chat, I do hope so, I want us to make up and I will kiss her and ask her out properly and I can hold her hand all the time and tell everyone that she is my girl friend. My Lily Evans, special sweetheart and little lady.

Mum made me blush when I got down stairs, she gushed about how handsome I was and that she knew where I was going. Mothers say these things. I mean she and I are just not attractive at all, we are just plain, skinny little people, all long gangling arms and legs, sharp, sour faces, lank black hair and strange equally black eyes. Dad is the handsome one, apart from the hooked nose that is, but Mum has a thing about guys with big noses, so she said.

The sun was oppressively hot, as usual, the bright light made me screw up my eyes and want to cower away in a dark corner. Hogworts is wonderful for dark corners to escape the hideous crowds, heat and noise of summer. I hate summer so much, unless its wet or thundering . Too hot, too bright, too many people about expecting you to be jolly and enjoy it. Oh, apparantly people smile more in the summer!! Well not me. I'm more angry and moody than usual in summer. Well I do sometimes enjoy killing the insects, that's satisfying.

I took another cig from the tin and smoked it as I rehearsed what I would say to Lily, she hates me smoking but then she doesn't have to put up with all the pressure I'm under and I like it and so what if it cuts my life short, the way my life is the sooner it gets cut short the better. So I smoke, my teeth and fingers may end up yellow but it will just match my sallow skin then. Bad breath from smoking? Well who wants to kiss "Snivelly" anyway. Thats what that fucking gobshite Potter says, spoiled little bratt from a posh home, thinks he's so cool, thinks he's God's gift to women.

I tried to calm myself by thinking of Lily's sparkling, green eyes and her pretty freckled nose and bright smile.

I arrived at her house tired and sweating from the heat, bits of my hair had escaped from the band and fallen over my face and tickled the back of my neck ( Lily used to like that, when bits of my hair went all damp at the back of my neck).

It was Petunia, her thin, horsefaced bitch of a sister who answered the door. She looked at me as if I was a pedlar trying to sell shiny stones as lucky charms.

"If you have come calling for my sister then you are wasting your time because she doesn't want to see you."

"Well, let her tell me that, Petunia Evans. I need to apologise to her. I hurt her and I am sorry."

She gave me a sneering sort of grin and called to Lily. Lily arrived just behind her, she looked so beautiful as the light shone on her dark red hair, red hair is divinely beautiful, its like gold, it shines, all those lovely colours like autumn leaves in the October sunshine. I smiled at her.

"Lily."

"Severus please."

If anyone else says "Severus please" to me I will go crazy, everyone says "Severus please".

She continued, telling me not to come round again and that our friendship was over. It was so difficult with Petunia standing in the way, looking so smug.

"I am so sorry, Lily. I really am, You stuck up for me and I was dreadful to you. Please forgive me."

More humiliation as tears filled my eyes, hot and burning, trying hard to apologise in front of the gloating Petunia.

"Severus, you chose your pathway, the dark side," Lily hissed angrily at me, "now live with your choice."

Okay, so I'm fascinated by dark magic, its so interesting and I'm just really curious and love to learn. I want to know why people do evil? what causes all the bad in the world? the magical and muggle world. Are there absolutes of good and evil? Is power a bad thing? Then there is death. It doesn't frighten me, dark, the dark itself does not frighten me. I could happily sit in a grave yard at 12 am on Samhain and feel far more at ease with the spirits of the dead then sitting busy park in the saunshine or on a beach packed with noisy, young people.

But that's me. Lily has known that for years, I am bat-like Severus Snape, the kid who loves the darkness. As for my Slytherin mates, well, what does she want, for me to sit all alone in the common room with no-one to talk to, I am in Slytherin house for the love of all that is holy, of course I am going to have at least a couple of Slytherin friends. No-one in her house or any of the others like me.

Women! so fickle and demanding. I pleaded with her to at least have a talk, alone. She refused and turned away. She was wearing a thin, pale blue dress that was like a peticoat, her arms and legs were bare and you could see the little curves of her developing body through her dress. I am so in love with her it hurts me.

I stammered a goodbye, Petunia was still stood in the door way smirking. I walked briskly away from the house and well past her house, when inspite of the sun pounding on my head, I ran. I ran to a Church yard where I often sit to escape the sun.