04 21 07 Developing A Peaceful Spirit
__________Developing A Peaceful Spirit________________________________________
__________by Constance Markley___________________________________________
(Channeler's note: I knew Connie Markley when she was alive. She died in 1999 at the age of 89 and came to Outlands in 2004)
I feel that I have something to offer to the world that is needed and wanted by so many people. In my life I saw and faced much turmoil
and distress but was able to get through them because for most of my life I had trained myself to live in peace and at peace. I have
known great anger and great sorrow; I too have had my times of pettiness and selfishness. I did not lead a perfect life, for I, like all
people, have my flaws and I am the first to say, I embraced many of them all too often.
Yet our lives are not meant to be models of perfectness and beauty. Our lives are given conflict simply as a matter of existing. No one
thing, no one person lives in isolation. We share the universe with each other and by doing that we can not help but cause disturbances
to those around us. Have you ever been part of a bustling crowd, where others jostle you and perhaps step on your feet? That is how
it is for both the mortal and ethereal being.
In the mortal or physical realm, such jostling or stepping on feet is not always greeted with the graciousness needed to get past such a
moment. This may be called a training moment. You have options as to how you will react. You can explode with rage; you can give a
dirty look; you can smile and assure the other person that it's alright. For some, exploding with rage is the normal thing to do, but it's
not normal. For those who are trapped in such a way of being there is hope and help, and it is precisely that which I hope to give with this
little essay of my thoughts.
What can you do if you explode? The first step is to understand that it is not needed and that it is often not the right reaction. Can you
imagine what would happen if you caught the arm of someone about to walk out into traffic and they did not see a truck coming at them
and they turned to yell at you for pulling on them? This does happen! What I am saying is that you must recognize that exploding with
anger is usually not the suitable reaction to life's circumstances - and that you really do such things. This can be very hard for someone
who has lived their whole life filled with anger. Anger, it is often felt, is justifiable.
There is nothing wrong with anger. If your life were a piece of music, an angry moment is but a prelude to the newest movement in the
music. It is when the prelude becomes the entire symphony that there is a problem. Imagine listening to the same two bars which open
van Beethoven's 5th Symphony over and over. The concert hall would empty quickly and the musicians themselves would leave. I have
I hope made a word-picture of anger. As a prelude it sages what happens next. Anger is like a door. It asks, "What happens next?"
Th answer to anger is up to you each and every time.
It takes practice, sometimes practice lasting months and years to experience a moment where you can say to yourself and your anger,
"What will I do next?" But it is the determination and will, along with continual practice to get to this point. It is very discouraging to
feel trapped by your own anger - in anger. It is also discouraging to feel that you have failed to "answer" with something other than to
continue being angry. I ask you don't be discouraged but to practice as often as you can. Recognize that you are probably needlessly
angry; that your reaction is really up to you.
You may ask, "Have I no help in all of this?" Yes, you do, but much of it comes from yourself. Can you put yourself in a place where
those who anger you are not about? If you frequent some place where you run into people who are antagonistic to you, must you see
them, must you answer them? If you must, say, on the job, practice taking a breath before you respond. Take a second and third if you
need to do that. This will give you time to THINK about how you are reacting and it can give you time to find and use alternative
reactions to the irritations posed by others. Again, think of this as an exercise. If you had injured your leg you would practice walking
as much as possible as the docotrs permitted to regain your leg's former strength and agility. But your injury here is prolonged anger.
It does not really matter in the long run "where" anger and rage came from in your life. Probably a lot has to do with how your parents
saw the world. But it really is not necessary to know this. You're the one with problems which hamper your life and if you would help
anyone you must help yourself first, otherwise the best that you can do for others is to needlessly sacrifice your own peace for that
of others. Why should others be freed while you continue in chains?
I have mentioned that I have had my share of being angry and deperessed but I saw early in my life how my feelings affected others. As
a very young girl I saw that I could get what I wished if I were to appear unhappy enough. My parents did want to keep me happy but
every time, so it seems now, that I manipulated them in this way I carried about with me feelings of guilt. One day I said to my Mother,
"I have been very selfish and I'm so sorry," and I began to cry. Mother took me in her arms and asked me what I was talking about. I
told her the truth, that I sometimes acted unhappy when I wasn't just to get what I wanted. Now the odd thing about my behavior at
this time was that I almost always got what I asked for. My parents were not rich people but I wanted for nothing as a child. My dear
Mother took a few minutes to digest this and made me look into her eyes. "Constance," she began, "there is nothing that your Father
or I would not do for you if we possibly could. And you are right, acting as you have has been a very selfish thing on your part." I
nodded "Yes" between my tears and cried upon her shoulder. "Now I must ask you a very important question and you must listen and
you must answer truthfully." I told her that I would and she went on, "Does what you have done make you a bad girl?" I looked at her
because the question amazed me and I said, "Yes, it does!" She corrected me by saying, "No, it does not! It means that you have DONE
something naughty and selfish, but that does not make you naughty and selfish. Do you understand me?" I was silent with my new and
liberating knowledge and could only shake my head "Yes."
Now perhaps you were not fortunate as I was to have a Mother filled with such understanding. But if you go about feeling condemned
it is because early in life you began to believe that you were a bad child. If you were encouraged to "be good" or to "behave" as so
many children are, those commands go right into the face of what you have been taught to believe, that you are bad. Some part of you
says, "I am a bad child, how can they expect me to be good?" Now you are a child with conflicting parts of their heart, or spirit, and
these parts war with each other, draining energy and making you feel old and powerless.
How do you overcome this bad training? By learning anew. If you were taught to drive an auto from the back seat it would be impossible
for you to drive properly. If someone came and showed you that you must sit in the driver' seat to drive, you would gladly learn this
new way of driving. It is the same with your life. You must sit in the driver's seat. Often times our parents and friends are in the driver's
seat of our lives, telling us we are bad, telling us we cannot do this or that. When you were but a toddler your parents wisely forbade
you to play on a busy street, but those commands do not hold for an adult. Neither do the commands that you are naughty, bad, sinful,
a disappointment or a failure. Parental comments which tell you "You are not good enough," "You are not old enough" no longer need
have any force over you.
You are good enough. You are old enough. You can think for yourself, you need not turn to authority - parental or social. It too takes
daily practice and like any new practice you should expect failures at first. But you will achieve successes, small at first, then greater and
greater ones. It is easy to fool yourself that you are beyond help and beyond hope, to fool yourself that you cannot change because
you are too old or the habits of a lifetime are too ingrained. It is natural to repeat these ideas to yourself when you fail in this practice
which I am describing. But let the words and the feelings which come with them pass through you and out into the universe. You must
embrace them for them to have an effect upon your life. Instead embrace the idea that you will escape from your prison.
Are we not all prisoners in some way? And are not our chains of our own making, or ones which we allowed to be put over us? Very
late in my life I was told by doctors that I would never walk again and that I would be in svere pain for the rest of my days. I cannot and
do not blame these men of medicine for saying such things. They were very skilled and very experienced doctors and by what they
knew, someone in my condition was bound for immobility and pain. I determined that I would not only walk but lessen my pain. Every
day I would attempt to stand, and one day I did. Then I determined to take one step, just one step, and one day I did. I resolved to bear
with my pain without the powerful painkillers given me. Many were the sleepless nights which I had, but in the end I slept without them
and began to walk again. It took fourteen months and I delighted not only the doctors but myself. I was 87 years old when this occured.
I literally walked out of the prison that declared I would die immobilized and in pain.
It boils down to making a decision. Will you continue as you are? The energy you spend in being unhappy is immense. You can learn by
practice to use that same energy to build a different and peaceful you. Again, it takes practice, you must make the effort.
You are not alone, however. While it is your responsibility to practice changing your life, you might confide your desire to change with
someone who would be encouraging. This may be easier said than done! If you are unhappy the chances are good that you are
surrounded by unhappy people. Look beyond them to friends less often seen, those who may care enough to cheer you on as you do
your work to change. Perhaps in your life of unhappiness you have hurt and alienated others, good people perhaps who saw much in
you. You can approach these people to make amends for the hurt if possible and to tell them of your realization and of your will to
change your life for the better. Some of these people will accept what you say and be your strongest allies.
I would end this by making a recommendation or two. First, you should find a secret "Happy Place," a place just for you in the world.
It may be a bench in a park, or a chair by a window; it may be the driver's seat of your car as you drive to no place in particular and for
no particular reason - just to enjoy driving. Your "Happy Place" me be a walk you take when you can. Try to really see the things before
you, listen to the songs of the birds, the sound of the water, the feel of the wind. Contrary to what most of us have been taught, the
world is not a threat. It is a place of beauty, a well from which we all may drink. Drink hearty! Second, do something nice for yourself.
Get new clothing that you will enjoy, make a new friend or renew old companionships. Go to a movie, go dancing, learn something new.
Third, do something for someone else. Give gifts of love to the unloved in the world. This may be food, clothing, or just a smile. But
it is all yours to give. Give in secret if you can. Enjoy the rush of pleasure which comes from giving to others.
I hope that my little essay will be of help to those who are hurting. You need not hurt.
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