Outlands Community USA

Always and ever should it be recalled I was a farmgirl, living with my parents near unto Domremy la Pucelle. Like my sisters, Mama before dawn would waken us, and to the kitchen would we go after prayer with her, "Our Father" and "Hail Mary." For my mamon was most emphatic upon things concerning religion, that we forget not God in all that we did. As we pounded barley or oats for morning mess, sometimes singing softly to us to keep good cheer about us, but as I have said, softly so as not to waken my Papa or brothers. Soon the kettlepot would steam and in would go what oil or fat had we, as well as salt, and what honey there might be in a season. My sister Isabelle would gather what eggs the hens might have laid, Charlotte would milk the goats, and I would most often be given the chores of cleaning as the meal was prepared. Then the men would be roused, and they too subject to Mama's desires, would pray together in a corner near unto the hearth; then, rising, we would have our meal and get to work. Most often the men would work the fields, but were it time for pulling onions or peas, that was for Charlotte or myself. Occasionally would I be required to drive the sheep and goats to a field, where was I left to my own devices. It was at such times would I retire to the Lady-Tree, an ancient beech about which many a marvelous tale would be told, but the which Mama told us often was nonsense invented by the Devil to ensnare an innocent maid so that she might forsake her chastity. Then such a girl would be reprobate and as a harlot, forsaken by Church and Family alike. Once made I a garland of flowers and from the branches of this tree I hung it, but as a gift to the beauty of the tree. Sometimes other girls would gather beneath its branches, and we would play games and sing silly songs as girls might do.

Of the turmoil of the day I was somewhat aware, but its importance to me was little. One day would ride through English soldiers, on another Lombards or French; if not well provisioned, or if composed of lecherous men, they would look to take what victuals, or maidens, or boys such as struck their fancy. But such a thing was unusual, for the soldiers' officers knew that it were best to leave farmers and their families be, that there be no interruption of food in the region. War had already devastated much French soil, so that once-prosperous and fertile farms and farmland lay fallow, held by this or that duc, but untenanted many times for the men being in the soldiery. I must say, no one group was any better or worse than the others for robbing the farms; the English, Lombards and French were all of them capable of depradations. But, and to speak in a general manner, the English were hated for being invaders who spoke a particularly barbarous tongue, and whose habits were far different than the Frankish ones. As for the Lombards, they too were to be thoughtof as invaders, but as their ways and their speech were often similar to ours, the odiousness of their presence was, I suppose, the better tolerated. These things I knew of somewhat, but to the which I paid scant heed, for no matter who was where, every day was still a list of chores with its gathering of food, and scullery, and cleaning.

I had since quite small been shown berries and herbs with which to make a meal the more appetizing, and in season on given days would be sent out by my mamon to seek mints and a tansy, perhaps should I see a fair flower-tree called we tillon in bloom, to gather for the making of a tisane some blossoms. In my basket were some chanterellon, which were loved by my father but feared and despised by Mama. Also, some mint, for we were to have goat for evening meal. One of the poor creatures had been battered by another of his pen-mates, and my pere dispatched him rather than hope he might heal. It was noon or thereabout, and I had been through la Pucelle and its outskirt, and in vacant places about the farm. Cloudless was the sky, and to my right was the church. Idly had I wondered if the priest had been late for the tolling of the bell when heard I the sonorous clamour of it. I turned then towards the church, as if to acknowledge the ringing of the bell as if it were the face of a friend. From the church, and in waves with each peel of the bell, were coming towards me waves of light, striking my fancy as the sight of wind blowing across a field of barley or oats.

I stood transfixed, aware that the light momentarily would strike me, not fearful, not joyous, just rooted at the wonder of it. In a trice it washed as an ablution over me, and I heard with my sense of hearing, and not my ears, the soothing calling of my name, but in a most intimate way, as might my mamon or pere call unto me, but the voice or its sound recognized I not as it said unto me, "Jehannette, Jehannette." Straightway my breath left me as I felt filled with a glory or wonder never before experienced by myself, and when again I drew breath I cried aloud, "Elixe, Elixe, Elixe!" for reasons I at that time knew not. My strength washed from my legs and I to my knees fell, and I saw before me, as would I see any other person, two faces surrounded with a nimbus of glory, and a third, but yet the whole of a person, more glorious still. I knew not fear, only an awe which many might mistake for fear. The most glorious of them, with the form of a large and powerful man, clothed in armor and robing, whose glory was unto me as white and blue light, spoke to my sense of hearing, but then heard I his words as he spoke, with my ears as well.

"True daughter of the Church," began he, "your fears have not arisen, and such is the sign of certain of those whom I seek. For many are fearful at my approach, and yet in uttering 'Elixe' recognize you that I am come from That which is all Life, That Love, to which all seek as an elixir. This day God calls you, for great is the pity in the land." I wished then with all my being to speak and ask of him who he was, but could not, and it were as if he sensed my handicap and went on, "I am he to whom refer you as Sainte Michel, and with me are Sainte Catherine the peacemaker, and Sainte Margerite." At last, gaining my wits, I implored them, "What must I do?" "You shall go to the Dauphin at his court, and from him obtain soldiers, and take the city of Rheims, and lead Charles to be crowned as the king of this land." There was no protesting such a voice, no disturbance of any logic which might have said in reply, "I am but a girl, and not a soldier, and know not the Dauphin," or some other words of similar import by the which I might make protest. There was no disputation, nor was there hesitation at all, but merely the nodding of my head in agreement and acceptance of these most impossible of words. In my mind said I, "What God asks of me I shall do." And to this Elixe smiled as did Saintes Catherine and Margerite, and the company of them assurred me with many feelings of certainty and truth that hence would they accompany me. Slowly then faded the glory of them, and again found I myself upon my feet where had I been the moment appeared their vision unto me. I heard with my ears the last toll of the churchbell, and again walked toward the house, knowing not how to contain the vision without uttering much about it. But once in the scull was I set immediately to work, glad to be engrossed in the preparations of the evening's meal.

For my pitiable self were it no easy task to bear within me the repeated visions on Sainte Michel and yet be going about the tasks of my humble life. In a way which in his wisdom my Elixe imparted unto me, I myself felt torn between two forces, that of being a farm-maid and that of being the deliverer of our Dauphin, yet in my humble understanding knew that God would support me in the days when I went from being the one unto the other. Perhaps that was among my chiefest and most frequently posed of questions, "What shall I do? And how shall I do it?" For there appeared so great a divide between the two lives of two differing Iehannettes as to cause me tears of uncertainty, and much lack of sleep. Such was my sin and foolishness, and often, for ever abiding by me was the presence of Elixe, Sainte Michel, cared I to notice. Yet from him and from Saintes Catherine and Margerite received I no condemnation, only a helping presence, as if learning again to walk, as might an infant, or some person who in misfortune had lost the usage of their legs. Learned I gradually, with a hindsight making it appear torturously slow, even impeding the will of God Almighty, saw I that the two "lives" were one and the same, and that I learned, not without misgiving, that this life would end; and hardest for me to accept was that "I" would go on in blessedness with the messengers sent by God to my miserable self. Were I to think, "I am unworthy," I would be gently rebuked with, "no-one is worthy but God, yet God has chosen you." Would I fear suddenly telling some person, any person - Mamon, Papa, the priest, my siblings - of my visions, I would be stricken with something akin to dumbness, for I could only speak that which was required of me in situations as they arose. Sometimes daily I would make lists of the impossibilities of that which was asked of me, and each objection of its own accord would dissolve when I enveloped in the love of God through Elixe.

There were "impossibilities" of one kind that had an especial palpableness, and that was of dreams that my father and others of the region had, persisting at times for weeks. Herein must I impart differences between the world that then I knew and this which perceive I from this ethereal vantage-point. At that time the Church was and had long been engaged in a secret practice of exterminating those family lines which could by native ability lay claim unto any sort of prophetic gift, or "charisma" as Worcester explained unto me in defining the Church Militant; but this lay ahead, at my Trials. Persons who could by glance or touch alleviate suffering, or cause abundance of milk in the goats of a region, those who knew when calamities natural and man-made were due, those who had especially visions of heavenly beings were quietly despatched. Of the d'Arc family it were known locally that long had we the ability to have scrying dreams, the content of which would with accurateness come to pass. Such things were considered "a thing apart" from the Holy Church, and prudence overall dictated a general and common silence about such things. One did not confess them at Paschal-tide, not for fear the priest might utter words of conviction and order penance, but that the penitant might disappear by means unknown. Yet within the confines of our home such a guard was let down, and oft spoke my pere while staring at me at how he again had had a dream in which a girl of my build and my features led a troop of soldiers against English and Burgundian alike. Himself torn by the import of these scries, he would say waggling his finger at me, "Knew I it were you, yet your brothers would drown you in the well!" At such times would I have told him all and everything, knowing then that he knew, yet would I be stricken dumb, until Mamon would reproach him saying, "Mon Chat, take a care you utter not such words abroad!" Believe I now that she knew as well, but fared the better for the understanding of it, could such a thing be apprehended by the human heart. But then, such is the love of a mother for her children; often heard I the same love issue forth as a reflection from the lips of mortally-wounded soldiers calling for their mothers: English, French and Burgundian all desired the presence of their mothers as they passed from your world unto mine. And just as often wished I them that singular surcease.

Yet the years passed and from the passage of them embroiled as I was in the work of the farm grew I accustomed to the presence of Elixe and the Saints in Glory. Yet one day, seized as I was by an impulse I could not withstand, I asked if I might spend time with my mother's brother, who had as of late had a child added to his brood, and fared his wife poorly, for she had borne a number of children and by our standards was no longer young. To my astonishment agreed both of my parents, and packed they victuals for me and the accompaniment of my brother JeanPaul. It was to the town of Vaucoleurs set we forth, light snow yet again covering the scarred land - trees and houses scourged by flame and by shot, farms fallow with the yellow husks of frozen tares where once sprang wholesome fruits of the earth. To behold a goat, or sheep or even a chicken was a rarity, such was the thoroughness of the ravages of the land. On occasion would we see a gaunt figure, some starved personage bound in swaddlings of rag and birch-paper, scuttling to us-ward, or in fright from us away. Such were the poorer displaced persons, doomed to slow cold death in the tracks of the abandonnement. Such aid as we might provide, did we, bread, some cheese, a rind of fat.

We reached the maison of my uncle, who gladly drew us in and served us wine and a smoked sausage native of the region, and dried bread with drippings. Such fare was uncommon even among we who had fared better than most during the long years of war. My brother, too fond of wine, fell asleep before the fire, yet I fearing for my chastity under its influence, refrained from but that need to replenish the body's needs for liquid refreshment. I held the newborn, and sat with my uncle's wife, who was suffering from loss of much blood and internal injury caused by the birth of her child. I knew then in my heart she would live, but be confined from strenuous activity for the rest of her days, and told my uncle as much, to the which was he greatly relieved. as gradually the evning fell I suddenly blurted out unto him, "I must go and speak with the Seigneur Robert de Baudricourt, for God has told me that he will provide unto me a troop of soldiers wherewith to approach the Dauphin and restore our rightful Monarch to his throne." My uncle stared at me, then in bowing his head, seemed to briefly weep and uttered, "Would to God were it not you, petite Iehannette!" For so he too knew of prophecies uttered of a maiden come to restore the Dauphin. Without further word after, he said "Come morning must we leave." Then retired he for the night, and I left alone to be covered by the glory of Sainte Michel until I swooned.

Morning found my uncle laughing and joking, his daughter my cousin and he having prepared a rich mess for we three, leaving behind my brother still under the thralls of the previous night's libations. We were given a start, but one of delight, at the appearance of his wife my aunt, holding her child. Without word embraced me she, with gentle tears and a giving of thanks unto God. My uncle briefly drew himself up with great solemnity, saying, "This is a sign from heaven - let me not impede your journey." Then he and I, and a shepherd in whom my uncle had confidence, set out for the maison of the Seigneur.

Upon our arrival as was the custom of the day, the servant of my uncle - that shepherd - greeted the servant of de Baudricourt. His greeting and his entreaty were gently declined, wherethewith my Uncle approached the master of horse, whom knew he slightly. Again came a declension, so that I myself walked through the gate and saw ahead of me the man whom many times had Elixe described unto me as Robert de Baudricourt. Without hesitation approached I him, and he watching in fascination, until before him stood I and simply said, "I am the maid of whom many speak and many dream. God has told me to ask you for a troop of soldiery to approach the Dauphin, that the son of Charlemagne might be restored to the throne of France." Then unnecessarily added I, "For there is a great pity in the land." He did not look away, yet as with the countenance of a statue, nodded his understanding, finally saying "So shall it be done, God have mercy!"

My uncle and I were briefly if cordially feted by the Seigneur. That a farmer or merchant might wish to visit such as M. de Baudricourt was not unuaual, nor was it anything extraordinary that we would be made welcome. Unsure as we were of our reception, for such was the quality of my doubts, God forgive me, that brought we victuals for the journey to, and the journey returning from, the etat. Secretly that first night, alone in my chamber, wept I copious tears, begging forgiveness of God our Father, and of our Lord Jesus and His Blessed Mother, and of all the saints in glory. Yet and all that whole while was I aware of the gaze upon my miserable person by Elixe, who with but the kindness of his steadfast and warm countenance entreated me not to prolong my tears. So it was with great relief of the burden of my sin of having doubted, for such often was my wont in time of extraordinary occurance, that wondered I how God Almighty might have truck with such an one as myself. Yet was I told expressly, and not only one time, that such was our nature, to doubt all, for so certain were we of the shifting nature not only of our frail human perceptions but of the world and all of its phenomena as they represented themselves to us, that we of spontaneous nature cried for a certainty and for a sign in a world which seemeth to provide them not, until, reduced by the quivering of our fearful minds, grasping as it would seem at shadow and phantom, we would at length arrive at the One Certainty, That Which Creates and Craetes Again all things, that is, God. Yet the journey to such a state was but a road fraught with peril, and upon looking back, much of that imagined badly by a heart darkened with fear and by a mind grown distrustful of much. Such were my thoughts as I fell to sleep that even.

Upon rising, well before cock's crow, came a clamour of moderate proportion from the central court of the etat, as came the first of the soldiery that were to be placed at my command. The Seigneur had done well to advise his minions to come under cover of the night, alone or in pairs, but not as a cadre, lest the chance of being observed by some overly-vigilant diplome of the Lombards or English, or one sympathetic to their designs.

Here may I define the differences a sinner such as myself could present about the singularity of the call of God unto my pitiable self. Alone, was ever I filled with aught but doubt and questionings? Yet as I dressed for the first time in culottes, and a tunic of distincly masculine design, tying my hair into a knotted lock at its rear, and proceeding out into the court, I walked with purpose into the midst of these men. Spoke I not a word, merely eyeing each man as I came upon them, nodding and going about. I beheld men of all manner, some quite young, possibly still boys; others were well-advanced, by the measure of the length of days of a man's life in that time, and were, to speak kindly, seasoned warriors. With eyes baleful and unbelieving at first gazed they upon my form, but within moments each knew all too well that the thing about which many had spoken had come to actually pass, that a maid would come, from God in Heaven, to lead soldiers to crown the Dauphin. I saw men, some of whom bore terrible scarring across limb and face, who had no doubt seen many a terrible and fearful battle, tremble with fear and apprehensiveness as they beheld me. To such men, for whom the only reality was the loneliness without God in the heat of battle, God had deigned to present to them such confirmation of the Love He has for all men, but in a way that inspired as much terror as it did assurance. Such was the import of what D'Aulencon said passed through his heart on the nooning of that day when first beheld he me. "I knew then" confided he to me as I lay with a wound, "that the words which once I ascribed to the particular lunacy of lonely crones were not the babble of foolish old women at all, but those of Sibyls in whom we should have placed the first order of our faith, for in that hour when first beheld I you, I knew then that all the things foretold, which seemed at best a series of vaporous dreams, were now machines and engines wrought and set in motion by the hand of God, and for such as myself, caught up in its wake, would there be no turning back."

For my own humble self, in which then no good thing might be found unless God had put it there, I saw them as they were, drunken, lascivious and unshriven, sceptical of much of what offered the Church to them. For in battle felt they, as I have been at pains to make clear, deserted by God; having witnessed firsthand the debauchery of priest and nun alike; and having found ready and easy solace in the warming of wine, and in the ministrations of such dissolute women who as magdalenes formed the corp de camp which were ever present should a soldier but pitch a tent or lay a pallet.

So it was on the morning of the seond day, while yet the smith and armourer created for me such chain as befit my form, and likewise such armour and morion, they assembled before me and on this wise addressed I them:

"I am Iehanne daughter of D'Arc, of La Pucelle of Domremy. God has sent me to lead you to escort the Dauphin to his coronation, and for the regaining of France from the theiving hands of Suffolk and his Lombard cohorts. If you are to serve with me you must seek out shriveness, and for the sake of God protecting you in battle, leave off from drunkeness and such debauchery as is familiar to you as being the life proper to a soldier: you must send away your magdalenes, and lead such chaste lives as to shame friend and foe alike into a more proper perception of God, and to be thereby open to His abundance, protection and His mercy." There arose no protest, only a resolute nodding of heads, and shocking though may it sound, the shedding of tears by men hardened by long years of war, wine and women of ill-repute, to commit themselves to a brief moment wherein their life might mean something, as opposed to the many years wherein they had lived and fought in vain.