Outlands Community USA

LLAM:  Well!  How NICE to see you here!

ROY:  Mmmnrmph.

LLAM:  Why the reluctance?

ROY:  I feel like it will be hard to concentrate, I dunno........

LLAM:  Pish-tosh!  You'll do fine!  We have a lot to discuss.  And I want to have a guest with us today!

ROY:  Yeah, I know, that'll be cool.  Is this a first?

SEIMA:  It may be.  Thanks for having me, guys.

ROY:  Welcome, hon.  This is kinda overdue, isn't it!

SEIMA:  How so?

ROY:  You and I have never discussed our relationship in public.  I think it would benefit a number of people.

LLAM:  Oh, indeed.  I know that Roy has been telling people on chat how he met you, Seima, but perhaps we can do it from a different angle:  how about you telling how you met Roy?

SEIMA:  Now, there's a switch! (laughs)  I think that I'd like that!

ROY:  (with sudden interest)  Yeah!  After all, you met me too.

LLAM:  Exactly what I had in mind.

SEIMA:  I don't think that anyone has ever written about this before.  I should begin with my being involved with Roy at all.  Throughout history or time or whatever you wish to call, it, I have been the guide for numerous mortal human beings on ah, "mortal earth," shall we say.  The last one was a Dutch fellow named Lucas who was completely oblivious to my presence while he was alive.  He was killed during World War II and I was there to meet him when he died.  It took some work for him to adjust to how things are in what mortal people call the afterlife, but eventually he did and he decided to "go back" - to reincarnate.  I was left free to do whatever I wished, so I took a tour of the planet, taking in as much of the ugly as I did the beauty.  I happened upon a very disturbed young woman - your mother, Roy! - who was unwillingly pregnant with a baby.  She wasn't sure whether your father really was your father. 

ROY:  Well, I've thought about it.  But I look too much like the old man.

SEIMA:  The resemblance is even more pronounced from our perspective.  Well, she was a messed-up person.  She was grieving for her father, who had died a few years previous, and she had a number of problems about sexuality.  I connected with the baby she was carrying and had myself a new charge.  (looks at Roy mischievously) You!

LLAM:  You poor, poor dear!

ROY:  LLAM!

SEIMA: (chuckling)  When you were born, things did not go well.  Your mother folded up like a newspaper and was committed to a hospital with a diagnosis of severe depression.  She was, in practical terms, catatonic.

ROY:  Now, there's a bit of news.  For my whole life she would go on and on about her "nervous breakdown."  It wasn't until I was in my 30s that I got anything like a narrative out of her about it.  Between what she told me and what my father has said, she was a drama queen who demanded attention and my father and brother had pretty much decided to let her stew in her own juices, that she was too selfish and too demanding on them.  When she found she couldn't manipulate them, she just folded up into a fetal position and they took her away.

SEIMA:  Well, if you hadn't figured that out, I would have told you by now.  But that's a lot of it right there.  You were really injured by her not being there, and having that harridan of a grandmother filling in for her was downright cruel.  Do you remember when she locked you into your room with the lights out?

ROY:  Very clearly.  I kept saying that I wanted to see my mother and after only a little while of this, she told me to be quiet or she'd spank me and lock me into my room.  She did.  Tell you what though - that's the only time in my life that I remember my father being kind, or tender with me.  I remember feeling safe when he was around.  Now, I have to close this out ina minute because we'll be timed out soon, so I want to tell you, Seima, I had a couple of dreams of a "shining lady" when I was very small.  One of the dreams, the woman had black hair and glasses, but the other is more cloudy, I just know that I had it.  In each case, the woman was surrounded by a numinous light.  She smiled at me and told me that she loved me.  I remember telling my mother about at least one of the dreams.  She pretty much was all "Oh, really?" about it.  Now, let me guess - that was you.

SEIMA: The one which you say was cloudy would have been me, I appeared to you in dreams quite a number of times when you were small, you just never remembered them. But a woman with black hair and glasses?   It wasn't me and I don't know who it might have been.  Is the feeling of this memory the same as your memories of me at that time?

ROY:  Yeah, it is, the same light, the same feeling of being loved, the same general feeling of being safe......of well-being.

SEIMA:  Huh!  It's the glasses that get me!  We don't wear glasses because we don't need them.

ROY:  These things have a way of figuring themselves out.

SEIMA:  So you've noticed.

ROY:  (smiles)

SEIMA:  Anyway.  You were abused enough by your parents that you were pretty well shut off from me for a long time.  I mean, you really were beaten by them quite a bit.  And your mother's voice!  If there was ever a voice able to fill a little kid with terror, hers was.   There were many times I wish I could have strangled that bitch.  But what Llam asked was about our encounter over the city in the Outlands that you've called "T'Maq."  Good name, by the way.  You were nine years old, my dear, and not ten.  Your hormones had begun to kick in.

ROY:  (happily) I remember!

SEIMA:  (to Llam)  Talk about a kid with a new toy!  (Llam laughs)  I knew that there was a possibility of my intervening in your life while you were beginning to sexually mature.  Nothing like crzed amounts of hormones in the bloodstream, no sir!  Do you remember being depressed before that?

ROY:  In a general sort of way.  I was pretty unhappy because I realized how stuck I was with my parents and the feeling that school  was a lot like being in jail.  I began reading a lot more.  I stopped being active in a lot of ways, I no longer played.  My feeling was that the world sucked, my life sucked and I was trapped.

SEIMA:  Well......you were.  But the morning we met over T'Maq, I had been with you a lot, but you were so oblivious to me!  This morning I saw you get up, go to the john and go back to bed.  You were very happy that neither of your parents had caught you.

ROY:  I would have been forced to join them for breakfast.  What fun.  And then be given chores.  More fun.  Mostly house-cleaning.

SEIMA:  So there you were, and you went back to sleep.  Man, was I ever surprised!  You began dreaming and next thing you know, you came sailing out of yourself and went directly to the Outlands, just as if you'd done in a thousand times before.   In a way many of you mortal folks visit frequently, but you don't recall the visits very often.  So there you are, having a grand old time, and I caught up with you.  You were really moving along there, pal!  Then you looked at me and told me I was pretty and I took your hand.  This lasted maybe another 15 seconds and you started to wake up.  I was going to take you down into the city.

ROY:  I was impressed, I gotta say.  When I was called to get up, I did, but I was in a good mood.  I don't remember breakfast, but that in itself is a good thing, considering how breakfast usually went.

SEIMA:  Any time your mother said something to you, you answered with the right answer, like you were on automatic pilot.

ROY:  Channeling myself.

SEIMA:  Right!  But the memory of our visit was still very strong and you were happily absorbed by it.  Although it wouldn't be until we met again in 1991, I came away from that experience filled with the knowledge that someday, you were gonna make things happen.  (pauses)  And you have.

ROY:  I think I'm supposed to say, "I am only an egg" here.

LLAM:  It's quite a story, Seima.

SEIMA:  One of these days you ought to tell about your life with Sara Jane.

LLAM:  In due course I suppose I shall.  It's a bit more complex than your tale, though, in that it spans a few centuries and not a few decades.

SEIMA:  Roy has a way of packing years into a single day of his life.

LLAM:  You have a point.  (smiles)

ROY:  You wanna explain that?

SEIMA:  I've seen you do extraordinary amounts of work, physical and mental, in brief periods of time that would take anyone else days, weeks, months.  But I know why, too; you have a hyperability to focus on whatever it is holding your interest.

LLAM:  I've seen enough of that!

ROY:  Okay.  Seima.  Something on my mind, as long as we're here talking.

SEIMA:  Okay.  Go ahead.

ROY:  There are some ways in which I feel inexplicably bound up with you as a person, I mean, I can look back on my life and say, "Holy shit, she was there, and there," and it's just an amazing sense of.......being aware of your presence, your influence in my life.  And yet, I feel that I should be in love with you, feel a hell of a lot more love for you than I do.  What's up with that?

SEIMA:  Do you sometimes distrust me, even today?

ROY:  Yeah.

SEIMA:  The answer is in a question: have you ever had a mother?

ROY:  No.

SEIMA:  I mean, yeah, you had that biological person who carried you for nine months, but you didn't exist for her for the most part; when you did you were her victim.  That's not a "mother."

ROY:  Yeah, right.  The very word makes me uneasy.  Squeamish even.

SEIMA:  Well, SonShon discussed this a little bit with Anwarii a couple of years ago, do you recall?  (Roy nods)  You've never had a mother, and anything you associate with that word gives you a sense of revulsion.  (Roy nods again)  Well, for  lack of a better word, and despite our scant contact in your formative years, I'm the woman who has watched over you, tried to guide you, felt your sorrows and shared your joys.  I'm the closest thing you'll ever have to having a mother.

ROY:  That explains an awful lot of the mixed signals I have about you.  I thought it was me, and it looks like it was.  You know......(smiling)......when we re-established contact back in 1991, evn though I thought that I was going crazy, or had gone, I looked forward to our visits.  Those memories are golden.  You were a friend, wise teacher......I felt a unique love for you then.

SEIMA:  You're feeling it now.

ROY:  Yeah.

SEIMA:  Well, a little suggestion, set aside a little time whenever you can where we can talk like this.  It'll do a lot to clear the air.

ROY:  You got a deal, angel!

LLAM:  Marvelous!  Is this a pause, then?

ROY:  Seems like it, Blue.  We're about to get timed out again anyway.

LLAM:  But there is much more we might go over, so shall we attempt adding more later?

ROY:  Sure!  But for now I need to get away from this frigging computer!  (Llam and Seima laugh)

LLAM:  Very well, then.  Seima, thank you for joining us today!

ROY:  Yeah, thanks girl!

SEIMA:  Aww!  You're.....welcome, guys!

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